Oakie Poops

Happy National Dog Day AND Happy 14th Birthday to ME!!!!

When mom was out of the last month, my uncle and auntie-in-law were taking care of me. Uncle was at work, so it was me and auntie. There are a few things she doesn’t know about me, like how I love to bolt out of the house if the front door is open. She had her hands full and was leaving the house. She told me to stay, and I acted like I was listening, but as soon as she opened the door I bee-lined it through her legs and yelled FREEEEDOMMMM while I galloped gracefully into the front yard. That put her in a panic mode and she flung her laptop and bags onto the lawn and started chasing after me. Hehe. Lucky for her I’m old and she caught me. Lucky for me there were no moving cars on the street because I would have run right into them.. sometimes I forget they’re bad when I’m in such a euphoric state. Anyway, that was the funnest day away from mommy. All the other days I just moped until she was home. Psych! Everyday is fun when you can sniff your own poop!

xx,
Oakie

ZOMG I haven’t written a blog entry since June?! I’m so sorry I’ve been keeping my fans waiting! I know you guys have been itching to hear about what I’ve been doing. Well, let me think back to July. It was a hot month. I think I drank a lot of water and peed and pooped a lot. August was also a scorcher. I went to get my wellness exam done and everything came back ok. I got so nervous at one point in the room that I tried to jump on the chair next to mama and I face planted. It was so embarrassing. In September, mom was out of town most of the month, and she didn’t take me with her. That bitch. And now October. I’ve been coughing a lot lately, so mom took me to the vet again. He took an xray of my chest and saw that my heart had enlarged a little more and it’s not a good thing. He then told my mom that I have about a year to live, which caused my mom to cry uncontrollably in front of the vet. I don’t know what was more embarrassing: Me face planting or mom being a big cry baby. Though I don’t blame her. One year to live really sucks. I hope this means I get to eat steak every night and that she’ll stop dressing me up in stupid dog clothes. But I’m pretty sure this means she’ll buy even more silly outfits for me to wear. I guess that’s the price of being cute.

xx, Oakie

Mom has been cooking my food lately instead of feeding me the store-bought wet food and treats. She still feeds me doggy dry food, which I hate, but I guess I’ll eat it if the chicken she makes me is mixed in with it. Yesterday she ran out of the homemade chicken goop so she had to use the store-bought wet food. It didn’t sit well with my stomach. In fact, it was horrible to my intestines. I had the worst diarrhea. It was so bad that I couldn’t hold it anymore so I diarrhea’d all over the carpet and the rugs even though the hardwood floor was only 1 foot away from me. Yay for ruining the expensive rug! And best of all, I diarrhea’d all over it in three spots, and it was soaking into the rug since mom left for work.. eight hours! HAHA! But I don’t usually have accidents in the house. This is the first time in 10 years.. pretty good. And I couldn’t hold it for eight hours. Mom was nice and didn’t spank me. Next time feed me the homemade chicken slop!

xx,
Oakie

Wake up wake up wake up .. it’s the end of the month….. get up get up get up .. so cash your checks in the bank…. Happy May 31st! Hope you had a splendid Memorial Day weekend! I sure did! I made some big poopies, chased a few squirrels, barked at a bird, and ate grass! Sounds like a great holiday (or any day, really) to me! Hope my June is exactly like my May!

xx,
Oakie

I like to destroy my toys. Especially toys that have strange little things protruding from them. This green toy was ripped to shreds by yours truly. But it got me back. I ended up swallowing a big piece, and when I went to poop later, it got stuck in my butthole and I could not get it out. Mom had to pull it out of my butt for me. It was not pretty, and she was not happy. My butt kinda hurt too.

xx,
Oakie

Day 4 of mom on vacation

Dear Diary,
I am going to stop counting how many days mom has been gone on vacation ’cause it is driving me bonkers! I should just pretend I am on vacation from mom. Yay! That means I can jump on her bed, rub my face and mouth all over the carpet, drag my stinky butt across the floor, and puke everywhere! Hooray! Oakie vacation time!!

xx,
Oakie

Mama left this morning for vacation. I saw her bags at the door. She ate lunch and then rushed to leave. I was so very sad. Now I have to sit here for a few hours until my uncle wakes up and plays with me. I guess I’ll start my 18hr nap right now!

xx,
Oakie